You figure the White House is probably feeling pretty good about
itself right now.
We are gathered here today in sympathy with our brother, Rush
Somebody please help me with this. Obviously, I'm missing
Isn't it obvious? If you believe you're the object of a witch
hunt, the first thing you do is stop hanging around with witches.
You'd think that'd be common sense, but then, the paradox of common
sense is, it's not all that common.
"Do you love me, now that I can dance?"
"Thou shalt not bear false witness ..."
Well, that was close. Surely, we are all relieved that at least
some children were protected this week from the diabolical Barack
Obama. It was touch and go there for a while after the White House
announced its plan for the president to give a back-to-school
address to America's kids. They m…
Back in May, I flew to Los Angeles. My cell phone did not. I
left it in the car, a fact I only discovered as I was lining up at
security. Had I found myself standing there in my underdrawers, I
don't think I'd have felt more naked. There was this panicky sense
of isolation, this disconcertin…
And what should we do with our monsters? That we have no answer
to that question, that we lack consensus on what to do with sexual
predators, is evident from the range of our responses to their
I hope this column makes you sick. See, we'll be talking about
Nazis, something many of us are doing lately. Indeed, just this
week a fellow named Joseph e-mailed me about a caller he heard on a
radio show. The man, vexed over health-care reform, likened
President Obama to Adolf Hitler. Aske…
On Saturday, it will be 40 years since 400,000 hippies descended
on Max Yasgur's dairy farm for a concert.
'Y ou are such a racist nigger." — reader e-mail. To answer your
questions: yes, the e-mail is quoted in its entirety. Yes, it's
authentic; I received it a year or so ago. And, no, it is not
unique in its sentiment, its coarseness or its deafness to
I'll tell you why Barack Obama said what he did. When he was
asked last week about the racially charged arrest of Harvard
professor Henry Louis Gates, the president could have — and as a
political matter, should have — given a diplomatic non-answer.
Here's the way it was: If Uncle Walter said it, that meant it
was true. You could take it to the bank and pay bills with it.
Uncle Walter's word was gold.
I have a proposal. Next time some politician goes before the
cameras with his figurative pants down around his metaphoric ankles
and says, "I made a mistake," let's form a mob and drag him from
the podium. You bring the lanterns, I'll bring the pitchforks.
Sometimes, death is a blindside hit. When it comes at the end of
a long life as it did last week for 86-year-old Ed McMahon, you are
saddened by it but not particularly surprised. When it comes after
a debilitating illness, as it did last week for 62-year-old Farrah
Fawcett, you have time to…
Maybe you were there when Neda died. If you were, you saw a
tragedy, of course, a 26-year-old Iranian protester gunned down in
the streets. But I am convinced you also saw the future — a
profound change in the way you and I will henceforth comprehend the
"Them Jews aren't going to let President Obama talk to me."
A reader wants to know why I didn't mention what David Letterman
We'll discuss Susan Boyle's mental state in a moment, but first
let me show my ignorance.
I am your scapegoat. I am your boogeyman. Brown-skinned,
kinky-haired, black man, me.
"No one can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his
Somebody call me when Nancy Pelosi gets her story straight. So
far, the House speaker's explanation of what and when she knew
about the Bush administration's policy of torturing suspected
terrorists is crookeder than Dick Cheney's smile.
It's a hell of a thing when you can't even die in peace. For
what it's worth, I hesitate to say that. One should be slow to
foreclose hope, always leave room for miracles. Still . . .
Between 1933 and 1945, as a series of restrictive laws, brutal
pogroms and mass deportations culminated in the slaughter of 6
million Jews, the Christian church, with isolated exceptions,
watched in silence.
Our subject today: the end of the physical world. Which is, yes,
a tad hyperbolic, but it contains a nugget of truth. Bear with
"Celebrity; The state or condition of being celebrated; fame;
Have you ever had one of those moments when you gazed across and
did not recognize your fellow Americans?
Even to speak of it in a serious way is to feel a bit like a
rube, a yokel from some backwoods backwater where nobody ever heard
of clinical depression, sociopathy or any of the other terminology
we use to explain the cruelties human beings sometimes perpetrate.
To ascribe such behaviors to …
In a better world, you and I would never have heard of Levi
Johnston. That would be good for you and me — the campaign of 2008
produced few storylines more dreary than his fathering a child by
Sarah Palin's daughter, Bristol. But frankly, I think it would also
be good for Johnston.
Maybe you remember when Michelle Obama was scary. Surely you do;
it was just a few months ago. A fire-snorting amalgam of Angela
Davis and Sister Souljah she was a militant, terrorist fist-bumping
sister girl whose hatred of America was exceeded only by her hatred
Our story so far: In the wake of the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist
attacks, hundreds of men identified as members of al-Qaida were
captured and imprisoned at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. There, they were
subjected to sexual humiliation, sleep deprivation, dehydration,
extreme temperatures, waterboardin…
Dr. John Hope Franklin died of congestive heart failure on
Wednesday at the age of 94.
Perhaps someone will be good enough to tell me how fat you are
allowed to be before your opinions no longer matter. Surely
conservative radio host Laura Ingraham had a specific weight in
mind when she attacked Sen. John McCain's daughter, Meghan McCain,
essentially dismissing her for being, …
On the day the last newspaper is published, I expect no sympathy
card from Kwame Kilpatrick. Were it not for a newspaper — The
Detroit Free Press — his use of public funds to cover up his affair
with one of his aides would be unrevealed and he might still be
mayor of Detroit.
Dear Robyn Rihanna Fenty: I was maybe 7 years old when this
Today, I make you a solemn promise: I will never Twitter you. Or
is it tweet? I'm never sure.
Maybe now we'll see what we have not been allowed. Meaning
coffins draped in our national colors, filled with the remains of
our honored dead.
Your wife is dying. One moment everything was fine. You were in
your stateroom on the cruise ship — it was to be an anniversary
cruise — unpacking your things. The kids were in the adjoining
stateroom playing with your wife. Suddenly, they banged on the door
crying that mom was hurt.
This one is for Doug. He was one of maybe 2,000 readers who
fired off e-mails in response to a recent column criticizing that
paragon of political analysis, Rush Hudson Limbaugh III.
A story for women and girls. Shamsia was walking with her sister
when a man on a motorcycle pulled abreast of them. "Are you going
to school?" he asked.
"And if that don't do, then I'll try something
"History. We don't know. We'll all be dead." — George W.