David Fitzsimmons: Giggles and gratitude for first-time summer camper, chaperone

The first time I ever went to summer camp was just last week. I was a chaperone for my son Matthew, and a billion of his fellow Harelson fifth-graders for three days at the Triangle Y Ranch Camp. The Triangle Y is at the intersection of Camp Granada and Sloppy Joes, just east of Oracle and a…

Fitz Cartoon Caption Contest: Week of May 15th

This week’s winner is L.S. (Captioneer),"You're suffering from a reptile dysfunction." And the runners up are Paul C. (AZPaul48), "Look in to my eyes and repeat after me, Obama had nothing to do with this, it was just some rouge people trying to help Obama get elected." And Tobin R. (trosen1…

Fitz Blog: Tea parties, trolleys and diplomas

Targeting the Tea Party is wrong. I do feel targeting groups who are clearly political action fronts who shamelessly claim the “social welfare” tax exemption is the right thing to do. One lump or two with your tea?

Fitz Blog: Tooth fairies, weed and trolleys

According to a study an estimated 1, 500 jobs will be created by Arizona’s medical marijuana industry. 10, 000 in the snack food industry, 4,000 in bong manufacturing, 599 in the breath mint industry and the millionaire who owns the murine franchise. This poses the question: Was the economic…

Fitz Blog: Benghazi fever

Republican lawmakers asked increasingly tough questions today as they held another day of hearings to investigate, in the words of anyone but Rep. Darrell Issa (R-California), “The 935 documented lies which brought about the botched 8-year raid on Iraq which cost taxpayers $1,900,000,000,000…

David Fitzsimmons: Arizonapithecus tribe, found at Capitol, frets about fluoride, Kenyans

"By injecting Stone Age genes into a human embryo it will soon be possible to create a living Neanderthal."

Fitz Blog: This just in

More than 1 out of every 4 Tucsonans lives in Poverty which is due north of Dire Poverty and 3-streets over from Chronic Poverty. I call it the Tri-Cities because everyone is trying their best to stay afloat, which is easier said than done in this waterless desert.

David Fitzsimmons: Our irritating columnist elegantly solves the city's pension crisis

Our city's looming pension debt is looming directly overhead these days, and even though any shade is welcome this time of year, I'm still totally against looming. Why all the looming? Because we've had slow revenue growth, soaring entitlement costs and too many pesky retirees remembering to…

Fitz Cartoon Caption Contest: Week of May 1st

This week’s winner is Tom V. (parkthebus),"What's in your pocket, fella? Certainly not WMDs, I hope." And the runners up are Fred D. (factsopinions), " Building an infrastructure for tyranny, one drone at a time." And Tobin R. (trosen1111)," Remember that overdue library book?" Each Wednesda…

Fitz Blog: Your Weekly Local News Update

The story about the ricin sent to a handful politicians is a pretty gripping crime story. Investigators were looking at an Elvis impersonator with bipolar disorder who was sparring online with a child molesting martial arts master who fronts a blues band. Or as the Pima County Sheriff’s Depa…

Fitz Blog: Arizona moves ahead with plan to destroy public education

Fitz blog Art:ASDB

Demonstrating his gift for sign language, the Superintendent of Arizona Schools for the Deaf and Blind responds to criticism from faculty, students and staff.

Fitz Blog: ASDB Troubles

The National Association of the Deaf has joined others calling for change of leadership at Arizona State Schools for the Deaf and the Blind. Superintendent Hill and Board President Jones reacted with a gesture of defiance that you didn’t need to be an ASDB graduate to understand. Former…

Fitz Blog: Local tragedy

A Tucson area man won a $1 million-plus jackpot at Desert Diamond Casino playing the slots on Friday and lost it all Saturday at the Pima County Fair trying to toss rings on to coke bottles. He was unavailable for comment.

Fitz Blog: Tucson Water's New Mascot

We're Tucson Water, where blood’s thicker than water and patronage flows downhill. Before we get onto the big news of the day we'd like to respond to the Star's so-called "investigation" about some bid somewhere for something that has something to do with who cares by citing scripture.

David Fitzsimmons: Mr. Wallet's Wild Ride at the Pima County Fair

The best thing about the Pima County Fair is the drive to get there. It's half way to Lordsburg, N.M. - and twice the fun - starting with an amazing thrill ride called "find a place to park within a mile of the entrance." Take the whole family! They'll never forgive you.

Fitz Cartoon Caption Contest: Week of April 24th

This week’s winner is Kenneth T. (Tredwell),"As President Bush says, he's sacrificed an army and a legacy to make this edifice complex a reality." The runners up are L.S. (Captioneer),"We're finally opening! Mission accomplished!" and Don V. (Dutch), "And in the Falsified Documents Room you …

Fitz blog Art:Earth

Days after Earth Day the planet remains dejected. (AP Photo/Courtesy of Earth Sciences and Image Analysis Laboratory, NASA Johnson Space Center)

Fitz Blog: Cosmos forgets Earth Day, planet despondent

Earth: You forgot Earth Day! Again!

Fitz Blog: Melvin to run for White House

MARS - Three-term state Sen. Al Melvin announced Monday he intends to run for President of the United States this coming year. “Although it’s not an election year I’m not going to let that malarkey stand in my way.”

Fitz blog Art:Melvin

Presidential hopeful, State Senator Al Melvin, demonstrates how he'd give those," hippies and flag burners the good one-two right in the kisser."Photo by Benjie Sanders/Arizona Daily Star.

Fitz blog Art: Rothschild

Mayor Jonathan Rothschild will do whatever it takes to fix the pension system. Photo by Benjie Sanders/ Arizona Daily Star.

Fitz Blog: Pension system unsustainable, City to ask retirees to die

With Tucson police and fire pension costs expected to rise to $42 million, the City Council voted Tuesday to create a task force to look for ways cut the costs, including asking city retirees to die "As soon as possible."

Fitz Blog: Public Art

A pair of life-size dancing women, sculpted in bronze, now adorn the Fourth Avenue underpass. The city originally commissioned a male and female dancer in 2003 but, due to budget cuts, the male was replaced with a second female who will do the same job for less pay.

Fitz Blog: ASU

Arizona State University students began voting Monday for a new mascot. The updated version of “Sparky”, resembling the masked character from “V for Vendetta”, was rejected because he looked too intelligent. The online ballot features the following 10 choices:

Fitz Blog: Principles and principals

4 TUSD Principals may lose their jobs over their failure to reverse effects of chronic poverty in hellholes with underfunded and understaffed schools dealing with the regulatory burdens and the special needs populations that Charter schools can kick out the door. The Governor approved of the…

Fitz blog Art:Sparky

Arizona State University collaborated with Walt Disney Studios to modernize the look of Sparky, the ASU mascot, and ended up hunting for alternatives. Courtesy ASU

David Fitzsimmons: It's sometimes tough to remember, but good always prevails

The grainy black and white images of Dealey Plaza and My Lai felt distant and other worldly on our old Magnavox.

Fitz Cartoon Caption Contest: Week of April 17th

This week’s winner is Daniel G. (gdobie1)," This is why we are called 'the home of the brave'". And the runners up are Mark S. (marksawyer),"One act of evil sparks a thousand deeds of heroism..." and Gary H. (Gary 53),"Rushing into danger in less than a Minute, man...YOU are the hero." Eac…

Fitz Blog: Every gun is sacred

Every Gun is Sacred (Sung to the tune “Every Sperm is sacred”)

Fitz Blog: The New World Odor

Suffering a collective attack of painful intestinal gas , a coterie of chronically flatulent Arizona Republicans warned of a new world odor at a legislative hearing on the "Agenda 21 UN-Communist Conspiracy" last week in Phoenix. One by one , Republican lawmakers took to the podium, bent ov…

Fitz blog Art: Boston

Fitz Blog: Toby

Country music superstar Toby Keith made a guest appearance at his namesake bar and grill in the Tucson Mall on Saturday where he announced his restaurant will not serve the Taliban, threatened to kick Kim Jung Un to “Kingdom come”, and shove his guitar up, “anyone’s tailpipe who doesn’t love…

Fitz Blog: Herr Bieber

Famed historian/philosopher turned entertainer, Justin Bieber, visited the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam, and signed the museum’s guestbook, inscribing the following profound thought about the world famous Holocaust victim:

Fitz Blog: Arizonapithecus Maricopa

Deepening the mystery of human origins, researchers offered the most complete view yet of fossils from a puzzling forerunner of humankind, known as the Arizona legislator, revealing that these creatures were, from tiny head to size 12 boot, marvels of primitive anatomy.

Fitz blog Art:Arizonapithecus 2

Arizonapithecus Maricopus pining for the fifties.

Fitz blog Art: Bieber

Historian/philosopher turned entertainer, Justin Bieber, points to region where he believes the mind resides.(AP Photo/Francois Mori, file)

Fitz blog Art:Arizonapithecus

Arizonapithecus Maricopus seen foraging and napping in it's natural habitat.(AP Photo/Paul Connors)

Fitz Blog: Jonathan Winters

According to the Paradise Observer, the late comedian Jonathan Winters arrived in Heaven Thursday and opened with a stunning 45-minutes of cloud breaking improvisation with a halo handed to him by the late Jack Paar.

David Fitzsimmons: War of words among the birds at the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum

"Be sure to see the season finale of Raptor free flight this Sunday. After April 14, the birds will be retired for the summer as they molt and grow new feathers in anticipation of another great flying season."

Fitz Cartoon Caption Contest: Week of April 10

This week’s winner is J S. (Wilbur 61), " My dad keeps saying we don't have it so bad because he had to walk to school in the snow, up hill, both ways." And the runners up are Daniel G. (gdobie1),"Who needs family values when society provides so much?" and Kenneth T. (tredwell),"I don't thin…

Fitz Blog: It's news to me

Update: Gay America had announced it is turning over it's closet over to bigots saying,"It's all yours. We are done with it. You're going to need a place to hide."

Fitz Blog: School Sex scandal headlines

Area High School art teacher gets 3-years for sex with students, weeps at sentencing Male students victimized by high school art teacher receive high-fives, get wrong idea about women Male students to receive counseling on feigning remorse, lectures from parents, awesome stories to tell …

Fitz Blog: Margaret Thatcher

Upon arriving at St. Peter’s Gate the “Iron Lady” Margaret Thatcher promised to save Paradise from “ruin”, and proceeded to break the Halo and Wing Manufacturers union, and declare war on Satan, asserting, “I’ll send warships to Hell if I have to.” By midday she privatized the Heavenly Choi…

Fitz Blog: Annette Funicello

'Big Jim' starts blog on StarNet

Big Jim Griffith: Our Storied Desert Land

Fitz Blog: UA's Dean Wormer closes Animal House

The University of Arizona announced the expulsion of the fourth fraternity to be shut down in 15 months for “Behaving in such a crass, destructive and despicable fashion we all wish we could have been members of your fraternity. When is rush week?”

Fitz Blog: Roy Flores' Guide to Romance

Lonely? Looking for love? I’m Roy Flores, former Pima Community College Chancellor here to put you on the path to romance. Sit back while I dim the lights, put on some romantic music and pour you a martini in the marvelous “I ‘heart’ P.C.C.” mug given to me at my impromptu retirement bash.