Fitz Blog: Syria

2013-09-02T07:00:00Z 2013-09-04T10:10:08Z Fitz Blog: SyriaDavid Fitzsimmons The Arizona Daily Star​ Arizona Daily Star

Do smart phones make us smarter? My teenager asked me why Obama is asking Congress for permission to bomb Siri. Maybe next time tyrants massacre thousands of civilians they’ll think twice about their choice of weapon. Cluster bombs? Good. Napalm? Fine. Gas? No way. Don’t worry, tyrants, if your civilians are really brown and nowhere near oil you get a free pass. Most we’ll send your way is Anderson Cooper. Obama is going to Congress to ask them for permission to bomb Syria. At least he’s not going to ask his butler, Cecil, for an international geopolitical insight. This will spike Congress’ approval rating to barely visible on the idiot spectrum. And thank you Dick Cheney for teaching us to not trust our government when it has “evidence”. Trust matters. Just ask Miley Cyrus. She trusted her manager when he said,” Great idea, Miley! Twerk with a giant foam finger like a crack stripper? Go for it!” If Obama mentions yellow cake uranium or rolling chem labs or WMDs it’s over.

I made up my mind by looking at the Syrian flag. It’s only rated two stars. Clearly the place needs new management. It used to be a 5 star place. Read the travel reviews from terrorists. They love it.

If we don’t penalize chemical warfare what’s next? Steroid abuse by Hezbollah? Doping by al-qaeda?Where will their lawlessness end? In front of a baseball commission tribunal?

 

If we don’t slap him on the wrist we should at least ask Trump to buy Assad a chin. Maybe that’s all there is to it. I say we drop hoodies on Damascus and unleash the Zimmerman. Send in McCain in an F35 with a payload. Only this time send in Rambo to get him back out. At least France is with us on this one. Fill in your own punchline on that one. An entire division of Parisian taxi drivers is on its way to wreak havoc. Once this starts it will make the planet earth in the movie “Oblivion” look like the post-war middle east. And here on “Elysium” we better lock and load.

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About this blog

David Fitzsimmons is the Star's editorial cartoonist.

To reach Fitz call 520-573-4234 (office) or email him at tooner@azstarnet.com.

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