Newsflash: Congressman Jeff Flake has agreed to debate former Surgeon General Rich Carmona.
After extensive negotiation over refrigeration specs a hand-wringing Flake agreed to a half hour debate because in his words,”After 30-minutes flakes melt. Especially around hot Puerto Ricans.” The great senatorial debate will take place on October 10 from 5:30 to 6 p.m. when most Arizonans will be in their cars cursing the snowbird in front of them. This pivotal event is being hosted by the public affairs program “Horizon” which typically reaches an audience greater than the population of a rest stop in Toltec, if you exclude the homebound and senile.
Flake has been invited to debate Rich Carmona more often than Mitt Romney has flip flopped. And he has ducked the challenge with the following documented excuses:
- “I’d love to slap Rich around but I just got my bootleg copy of ‘Book of Mormon’ and it’s family night. Best wishes, JF”
- “Oh, golly, I wish I could but I’m attending a reunion of the forcible rape legislation co-sponsors.:-(”
- “Let me see. Oh, heck, on that day I’m making Baked Alaska for Sarah Palin at Arcosanti. How about after midnight?”
- “What? I can’t hear you. I have Birthers yelling at me. Can I get back to you?”
- “ Bad timing. John Edwards lent me his blow dryer and on that day I’m returning it.”
- “ No way unless I can hire Owen Wilson to be my double. I am not standing next to a Vin Diesel clone on a debate stage. Hello? Did you hang up on me?”
- “ I checked my datebook and can you believe it? Paul Ryan and I are having a Tea Party at a Tea Room in Toltec on that date.”
- “Sorry. On the night you have in mind I’ve been asked to open the “Repeal the direct election of Senators by The People Committee” at a militia compound in the hills outside Payson. Liberty! Jeff F”
- ”I don’t like the venue. Where exactly is the Polar bear enclosure at Reid park Zoo?”