In her fifth State of the State speech, Gov. Jan Brewer proposed expanding Arizona's Medicaid program, funding 200 more caseworkers for Child Protective Services and spending more money on public education.
GOP lawmakers immediately called for an investigation into ” the heartbreaking disappearance of the Jan Brewer we all knew and loved.” Said one Republican from Sedona,”We aren’t ruling out alien abduction or channeling.”
Sheriff Joe Arpaio said his team of detectives would be looking into the question of Brewer’s citizenship, adding,”She could be an illegal what dyed her hair and learned to talk like the old Jan by watching Walton’s reruns. Has anyone seen this gal’s birth certificate? I smell a rat.”
"There's a lot of questions that need to be answered," said Senate President Andy Biggs, who suspects Kool-aid or, “Who knows? Maybe fancy silicon chips planted by agents of the United Nations may have been involved."
Rep. John Kavanagh, R-Fountain Hills, who chairs the House Appropriations Committee, said he thinks,” body snatchers could be behind all of this. Or maybe it’s a joke. Where’s the film crew? Are we on TV? Do I look fat in these slacks? ”
Among Democrats, House Minority Leader Chad Campbell was cheered by the governor's proposal and suspects she may have awakened from a decades long coma brought on by a lifetime spent in tanning booths.
Brewer also promised to work for immigration reform. While citizens in the galley looked on in perplexed silence lawmakers in attendance tore their shirts off, clutched their confederate flags and gnawed on their boots.